I Blamed it on the CPAP

Small acts of love and kindness can have a big impact on marriage, but as time goes on, these small acts tend to get lost in the clutter of marriage. They begin to fade like an old pair of jeans.

It happened to me, and my wife lovingly brought it to my attention one night as I was preparing to go to sleep. How did I handle it? I blamed it on a CPAP.

I guess this calls for some explanation. [Read more…]


Marriage at McDonalds

I have a graduate degree in Marriage and Family Counseling. I work with married couples weekly, and I regularly write about how to improve marriage. Still, it was an elderly couple at McDonald that taught me my most recent lessons on marriage. [Read more…]


Are You Listening?

“Are you listening to me?” “You never listen to me.” “I’ve tried to tell you, but you just don’t listen.” “If you would listen you would know.”

Have you ever heard your spouse say something like this? If so, join the ranks of the many. Not listening is one of the most common complaints I hear from spouses. I’m sure my spouse has complained about it also, but I probably wasn’t listening at the time. Why do so many of us drop the ball when it comes to listening? [Read more…]


Is Your Marriage Meaningful or Mundane?

Is your marriage meaningful or mundane? It’s easy to skip over that question. An honest answer to that question might not be what we want to hear. But if we’re brave enough to ponder it, the question will lead us to ask another question. What makes a marriage meaningful?

I recently read a post by Donald Miller about what makes a life meaningful. In the post he referenced Dr. Viktor Frankl. Dr. Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust and the Nazi death camps. It was these experiences that led him to consider what gives life meaning. Is it fame, family, wealth, or pleasure that gives life meaning? When such things are taken away, does life lose it’s meaning? [Read more…]


Comfortably Uncomfortable

We all want to be comfortable. We want comfortable chairs, comfortable shoes, comfortable beds, comfortable clothes, comfortable retirements…comfortable everything.

We especially want comfortable marriages. We want marriages that are calm, happy, and easy. We want spouses who like what we like, act like we act, and always think we’re wonderful. We also want to win the lottery, but that’s probably not going to happen either.

Marriage is never completely comfortable. It is always a mixture of comfortable and uncomfortable. Because of that, you’re marriage will either be uncomfortably comfortable or comfortably uncomfortable. [Read more…]


Falling Behind

Have you ever felt like you’re falling so far behind on something that there’s little hope of getting back to where you need to be? Have you ever thought, “What the heck. It’s too late now. Why even try. I’m too far behind.” Maybe you’ve felt that way about a project at work, or a hobby you always wanted to pursue. Maybe you’ve felt that way about your finances, or that career change you always wanted to make. Maybe you’ve even felt that way about your marriage.

At times we all feel like we’re falling behind, and it can be paralyzing. [Read more…]


Be an Amateur at Marriage

Every time I think I have this marriage thing figured out, something changes and I feel like I’m back to square one. I had just figured out how to be a married couple when we had a baby. When I felt I had the family-of-three thing down, we had a second child. Just when I was comfortable in my job, we went through a job change. With each new change in marriage, I felt like an amateur.

How about you? Have you ever felt like an amateur at marriage? If so, congratulations! You’re not only in good company, you’re in a good place. [Read more…]


Going From Zero to Sixty

There are car commercials that tell you how their car can go from zero to sixty in so many seconds. Then there are car commercials that tell you how their car can quickly and safely come to a stop…from sixty to zero in so many seconds.

Zero to sixty is not just for cars. Marriages can go from zero to sixty and from sixty to zero. The normal pattern of marriage is to go from sixty to zero. Here’s what I mean by that… [Read more…]


One Thing You Must Do if Your Marriage is in a Rut

Ever feel you’re life is in a rut? I was struck by that feeling this morning as I grabbed my usual stuff and headed out the usual door at the usual time to do my usual job. Don’t get me wrong, I really love my work and I can’t imagine doing anything else. Still it’s easy to feel stuck in the “same old, same old.”

The same can be true in marriage. [Read more…]


Things You Need To Know

Right after we married, my wife and I moved 650 miles from home and I went to work in the oil fields of Oklahoma. Being young and inexperienced, they put me with an older man who could show me the ropes.

I would arrive at a job site and eagerly jump out of the truck to get started. But this man would make me slow down and say something like, “Here are some things you need to know about this job.” He didn’t tell me everything I needed to know about the job, but he told me the few big things I needed to know to make the job go better.

I wish someone would have come to me before I got married and said, “Here are some things you need to know about marriage. [Read more…]