Marriage and Sex Should Go Together.

young couple in bedWhen I say marriage and sex should go together, you may think, “Well duh. That’s a no-brainer!” But there are too many times where marriage and sex don’t necessarily go together…or at least not well.

Husbands and wives usually have a difference of opinion when it comes to how important sex is to the marriage. That difference of opinion usually plays out in disagreements and flat out arguments over how how frequently they should be having sex. Typically, it’s husbands complaining because sex is not happening as frequently as they would like. But there are some marriages where this is the other way around.

Although this disagreement is common, it should not be considered trivial. Sex is an important part of marriage and has a direct correlation to marriage satisfaction. That’s the reason there are so many books and articles written on the subject. Even the Bible has a lot to say about sex in marriage. (Check out the Song of Solomon or 1 Corinthians. 7:1-5.)

Recently I came across a TEDxCU talk called “The Sex Starved Marriage.” In this 17 minute talk, Michele Weiner-Davis talks about the difficulties that occur in marriage when one spouse isn’t interested in sex and why it’s important for the marriage to bridge that gap. Though Davis’ talk is not necessarily “faith based,” I believe it speaks clearly and truly as to why marriage and sex should go together.  So rather than reading through a post, click here and listen to a strong talk that will make you think and hopefully challenge you to talk to your spouse about how marriage and sex should go together. (And you get extra points if you watch it with your spouse.)

After watching the video “The Sex Starved Marriage,” leave comment and let me know what you think about it.

Copyright © 2014 Bret Legg


Find a Reason to Stay Together

Depositphotos_3918231_xsIf you haven’t noticed, I’m a big fan of marriage. I’m like the person who finds a reason to root for their favorite team, even if their team isn’t doing so well.

But many of the people who come to my office thinking about divorce can’t find a reason to root for the team. They can’t find a reason to stay together.

It’s difficult to find a reason to stay married when your feeling the accumulation of hurt, neglect, anger, betrayal, and general ill will. But I encourage couples to look hard to find a reason to stay together. [Read more…]


Little Things Mean A Lot – Spending Time Together

Time management. Business couple time concept. Isolated.Typically, the more time you spend on something the better it gets. This can be true in marriage. Generally, when husbands and wives spend more time together their marriage gets better.

But in many marriages, spouses tend to short change their time together. Why is that? [Read more…]


Has Your Marriage Moved From Breathtaking To Frustrating?

Grand Canyon 250x250I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon, but I’ve talked to people who have and they tell me it’s breathtaking.  They say you’ll stand in awe of the beauty of this masterpiece of creation.

Yet if you lived there all your life, the familiarity would probably cause it to seem less  breathtaking.  You would probably focus more on jagged rocks, dust and dirt, lack of greenery, over abundance of tourists…you get the idea.

We do the same thing in marriage. [Read more…]


When Marriages Go To War

Toy Soldiers 250x250I heard an interview the other day with a doctor who had gone to Syria to take care of children caught in the war there.  The doctor spoke of children and families being torn apart, physically, emotionally and relationally by the on-going war.  There may be times when war is unavoidable, but it’s never good.

The same is true when marriages “got to war.” [Read more…]


How to Better Live With Your In-Law – The Bottom Line

Portrait of happy couple with parentsHave you ever been listening to someone talk about something and thought to yourself, “Come on! Just get to the point! What’s the bottom line?!” Well, for the last 3 posts we’ve been talking about how to better live with your in-laws and now it’s time to get to the point. What’s the bottom line on how to better live with your in-laws?  Believe it or not, it really all boils down to one principle, one practice, and one parting thought. [Read more…]


How to Better Live with Your In-Laws – 5 Steps

Portrait Of Multi-Generation Chinese Family Walking In Park TogetherIn the last post, we talked about the tug-of-war that comes with learning to live with your in-laws. In this post, we’ll look at 5 steps to improve your relationship with your in-laws. You may be thinking, “It can’t be that easy!” Well, notice that I said 5 steps to improve the relationship, not 5 steps to make the relationship the way you want it to be. So, let’s look at the 5 steps. [Read more…]


How to Better Live With Your In-Laws: Tug-of-War

Tug of warIn the last post, we began looking at how to better live with your in-laws. When you get married, in-laws are part of the package. There can can be some really good things about your in-laws, and there can be some really difficult things about your in-laws. Unfortunately, you get both. It’s a package deal.

Marriage initiates two new tensions into your life. Each of these tensions is like an internal tug-of-war that you can’t avoid. Let’s look at the two primary areas where you’ll feel this tug-of-war. [Read more…]


How to Better Live With Your In-Laws

Happy African Family“Meet the Parents” is a movie that looks at learning to accept and be accepted by future in-laws.  The movie is funny at times, awkward at times and down right painful at times.  Hopefully your experience with in-laws has been better.

When my wife and I announced to her parents we were getting married, (yeah, I know…we should have asked rather than announce) they were not overjoyed. [Read more…]



Three colored plastic cups with sphere. Right choiceSome of the best marriage advice I’ve ever received came from Jerry Garcia of The Grateful Dead. (For those who don’t know, The Grateful Dead is a psychedelic rock band that came to fame in the midst of the drug culture of the 60’s.) In Garcia’s self-titled 1972 solo album, a song entitled “Deal” contained the following lyric…

“Since it costs a lot to win, and even more to lose, you and me got to spend some time wondering what to choose.”

When you apply this line to marriage, it’s some of the best advice you’ll find, because it reminds us… [Read more…]